'No need to get emotional': Manager makes employee cry during performance review, claims it's a 'growth moment'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 14, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

It's one of the most stressful times of the year at work, and the wrong management strategy can only make it worse.

Performance reviews are a necessary evil when it comes to being a part of the workforce. A lot of people do not enjoy sitting in front of their superior and hearing about all the things that they could be doing better, especially if they are a strong performer in the first place. Still, self-reflection is an important part of any professional role, and a review offers the ideal opportunity for both supervisor and employee to take stock of what works and what doesn't.

It is an unfortunate fact that, despite the potential for a performance review to be useful to both a manager and an employee, it can sometimes prove to be painful in ways that are unnecessary. Some bosses cannot help but try to find flaws in how their subordinates are working, even if it is not productive to do so.

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  • a closeup of somebody pointing to a laptop screen as somebody else uses the laptop
    via John

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One woman found herself on the receiving end of this after she had a mid-year review with the company she had worked at for two years. In that time, she had stuck to deadlines and picked up plenty of extra work when the business was understaffed.

    While her manager started the meeting positively, he ended up telling her that she needed to show more enthusiasm in her role. She felt upset, as the extra work had left her burnt out and struggling to maintain a positive attitude.

    This led to her tearing up during the evaluation, which her boss then shrugged off. She shared her experience.

  • My manager made me cry during my performance review and then told me it’s a growth moment

    So I just had my mid year review and I don't even know how to process it. I've been at this job for two years. Never missed a deadline, constantly pick up extra work when people quit (and they quit a lot). I'm tired, but I still care or at least, I did.
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • My manager starts the meeting all smiles. Then goes, "You're doing great, but I just wish you showed a little more enthusiasm." Like what I've been running on caffeine and sheer survival instinct for months, and now my vibe is the problem.
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • I said, "I'm sorry, I've been really burnt out with all the extra workload." He laughs, actually laughs, and says, "We're all burnt out. You just have to push through it. Think of it as a growth moment.”
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • a man shot from behind slouching at a table while the sun shines through the window opposite
    via Bethany Legg

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • That's when I lost it. I didn't sob or anything, but I teared up, which made it worse, because then he leaned forward and said, "Hey, no need to get emotional. This is just feedback."
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • I literally wanted to disappear. Like, how are you supposed to take feedback when it's about being too tired from carrying half the team's work. I left that meeting feeling smaller than I've felt in years. And the worst part I caught myself apologizing to him for crying.
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • I don't know. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Or maybe corporate empathy really is just a buzzword they throw around until it's inconvenient. Anyone else ever have a feedback session that felt more like emotional whiplash?
    via BandicootUpbeat3227
  • a woman sits on a bench outside of a building and looks down at her hands
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     

     


     

  • CalligrapherFit6774 He sounds like an arsehole. It's possible you had more of a reaction than some other people would have in that situation, it sounds like the problem is the environment and manager, not you being sensitive. Cognitive empathy involves understanding others' perspectives cognitively, and affective empathy involves your emotions being influenced
    via CalligrapherFit6774
  • by the emotions of those around you. It doesn't require any specific course of action. If anything, telling you off for not performing happiness correctly shows affective empathy, since you performing happiness would help them feel happy.
    via CalligrapherFit6774
  • Plastic_Doughnut_911 Time to look for a new job and research how to spot toxic managers during interviews... one suggestion is to ask them how their team would describe their management style.
    via Plastic_Doughnut_911
  • ElleEmEss Years ago I cried when my manager, during my review, said "I could replace you tomorrow". I left the room immediately and went to the lunch room where an older male colleague saw me and comforted me. (He was a gem. I was a young female engineer at the time about 5 years out of uni).
    via ElleEmEss
  • Later I spoke to a friend who said - it's good that you showed that you were a real human being. Which is the one comforting sentence that has stayed with me forever. In the end, I got a pay rise and it was never mentioned again. The person who made me cry I didn't see day to day so I just kind of avoided him whenever I was in the main office.
    via ElleEmEss
  • What helped? Telling my friends and just getting their support. Getting a pay rise anyway. My lovely colleagues who were just nice to me always - there were a lot of dads and I was in my mid 20s. Not sure if this is comforting or not but... this is one of about 20 events I still remember about my early career. I think I still remember it as it has always confused me. Was this douche trying to be a "tough negotiator"? Did my tears worry him or disgust him? I now see it as him making a mistake.
    via ElleEmmEss

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